🤞🏾Get Free: It’s Messy In The Middle

I want to start with a shout out to all of our Caribbean GFFs. It has been a tough week following the destruction caused by Hurricane Melissa. Our friends in Jamaica, Cuba and Haiti are particularly hurting.

As always, when disasters strike, our instinct is to jump in and help. Please be mindful of where and how you give. The Jamaican government has launched a new website to coordinate relief efforts and donations and World Central Kitchen is also on the ground providing meals (as they did for months in Altadena after the Eaton Fire.) If you know of reliable sources for donations and support in Cuba and Haiti please share.

And let’s also keep an eye close to home if you’re in the United States. With the government shutdown still in play as of the time of writing, SNAP benefits (food stamps) are set to run out on November 1. Look out for friends and neighbors, donate to your local food banks (you can find details at Feeding America) or offer a meal or buy groceries for folks in your community who may have need.

While we’re getting free, remember, we’re all we’ve got.

GAINING CLARITY, MOVING FORWARD

We’re going to make a turn to our usual order of business. A big thank you to everyone who completed the Get Free survey! We’re taking your submissions until November 10 - it takes less than five minutes to complete and you’ll have the chance to snag one of five original Get Free Guide tote bags as a thank you!

The Get Free Guide is now more than 20 issues strong (woohoo!) and this moment feels like a good time to pause and reflect on how we can best serve this community. What are you curious about? What questions do you want answered?

Thinking about the last four months of The Get Free Guide it’s dawned on me that this work is about daily freedoms - the small choices that create space, peace, and clarity in our lives. Freedom doesn’t just mean financial independence or quitting your job to travel the world (although I love that for you!) It’s also the everyday freedoms - the ones that build up quietly and make a big difference over time. That’s what The Get Free Guide is all about. 

So... have you cleaned out your overflowing inbox yet? Reached out to a friend for a chat rather than just sending a text? Celebrated a win? Little actions count.

HOW ARE WE GETTING FREE THIS WEEK?

This week, I was going to write about procrastination (you see this isn’t a post about procrastination, so…yea) but then something else caught my attention. A friend sent me a post Thursday morning about transition and what boils down to “the messy middle.”

This post by The Career Therapist is about transition in careers, but it can relate to pretty much anything in life - a relationship, a job, a health journey, or change in general. It’s that place between what was and what’s next. Reading this post really hit me. Because the truth is, transition and the middle can be rough. And I don’t know about you, but I often wish change was easy (or easier) - that the shift could be quick, clean, and drama-free. But we’re grown and we know this is not how it works. I find myself looping through the same thoughts, having the same conversations, wondering why change takes so darn long. (Shoutout to the homies in the trenches who listen again and again - and again - to the same issues I’m trying to work through!)

But chatting with some of you, reading your questions and comments, it’s clear that the middle is where we actually grow - when it’s a little dark, quiet, messy and uncertain.

GFF Latisha wrote in with this comment:

Good question, Latisha! Here are some thoughts, other GFFs, please weigh in:

Imagine this: you start a new workout regime to build some muscle 💪🏾💪🏾and you go from regular human to Hulk-esque super buff overnight. Your clothes no longer fit, your joints hurt from the sudden extra bulk and you look at the person in the mirror sideways because you have no idea who they are (but the abs are on point, so you get over this pretty fast.)

Here’s another example: over the years I’ve mentored early career journalists who - when asked about their long-term goals - often say “I want to be a leader.” Absolutely nothing wrong with that, but the question I follow up with is: “Why?” I ask because transitioning into leadership also means learning how to live and work in the middle: translating directives from your boss to your direct reports, navigating decisions that you may not agree with, being responsible for the development of others, and tackling parts of the business (contracts, performance reviews, meaningful holiday gifts) that can be thankless, but are 1000% necessary. You can’t learn any of this quickly; you have to build your muscle and sit in the middle for a while. 

But when we do things slowly (new work skills, or getting our Hulk on) we learn along the way, have time to process our mistakes, adapt to a new reality and see the new version of ourselves clearly. All the pieces make sense. Latisha, it’s not back and forth, it’s the process!

AND THERE’S ANOTHER THING…

The practical “gotta get through it” aside, there’s also the emotional part. When you’re in transition - whether it’s leaving a job, starting a new one, or simply rethinking what’s next - fear often shows up. Fear of what it means for your finances, your identity, your sense of purpose. Fear of starting over, especially if you’ve invested years in one path. Can we say “sunk costs” anyone? If it’s a relationship all of the above apply. If it’s a new health journey, yes, fear is there, too. I know I’ve asked myself a few times, “can you really do it? What if you fail?”

That fear is valid. But it’s also temporary.

Growth = discomfort. Just like muscles that tear and rebuild to get stronger, transformation happens in the struggle. Skip the middle, you skip the lesson.

Grief is also a part of change. We attach grief to the death of people we love, but there’s real grief around changes in circumstances - whether out of choice, or because it’s forced upon us. Only now can I see I was grieving a change in my work circumstances. On the outside it was business as usual, working through the daily to-do list, getting people what they need, smiling in all the right places, offering counsel as requested. But inside I was pretty heartbroken. My business mind and strategic brain said “this is the way” (Mandalorian fans, that was for you) but my heart just couldn’t reconcile that the thing I’d helped to build was forever changed. I felt pretty silly for being so bothered about it. It’s just work, after all! (Sidenote: it’s never “just work” - our purpose and identity is often wrapped up in those daily eight hours.) I didn’t give this shift the time it deserved. I tried to skip over the messy middle and in doing so, it took so much longer to get to the other side. You’ve got to sit in the middle, even if it’s for a short while. And it’s going to be messy and you’ve got to be OK with it. 

SO, HOW DO WE GET FREE IN THE MIDDLE?

When things feel uncertain, messy, or slow there are some steps you can take:

1. Share what you’re going through.
   You don’t have to carry it alone. As the saying goes, “A problem shared is a problem halved.” Talking about it often reveals you’re not the only one in transition. That group chat and those phone calls with friends and colleagues could be a lifeline. Also having conversations with yourself in a journal - and reviewing your own words - can offer clarity in the midst of all the noise.
   

2. Do your research and explore your curiosities.
   If your transition relates to your career, try new things and ask questions. Even ask ChatGPT (yep, I said it!) to suggest roles or industries that align with your skills and interests. You might be surprised what shows up. Also, volunteer, as a way to explore new industries, or offer your expertise on a board. Helping others could lead to helping yourself.
   

3. Talk to people doing what you want to do.
   Reach out for advice, perspective, or connection. It helps you feel less alone and gives you a glimpse of what’s possible. Make use of LinkedIn, networking events, or ask folks you know for connections to people you’d like to chat with.

4. Take the small steps, even when they feel invisible.
   Just like compound interest, small, consistent moves add up over time. Progress might not look dramatic, but it’s happening and it all counts.
   

5. Acknowledge the grief.
   Change, even when it’s right, brings loss. Write about it, talk about it, honor it. Some days will feel hopeful; others, heavy. Both are real.
   

6. Invest in yourself.
   Whether through free resources or paid ones, find what supports your growth and do it. Nothing will change until you do.
   

In the new year, I’ll be sharing some Get Free guides on navigating transitions - from finances to relationships to health. Each will explore practical ways to move through the middle and toward freedom. If you’d like to be a test reader, send an email and put “GFG Tester” in the subject line - [email protected] or hit “reply"

In the meantime, I’d love to hear from you:
What transition are you in right now? Where are you getting stuck? Or how have you navigated change in the past? What lessons do you have to share? 

Reply, comment, or email — I read them all.

🚀Get Your Life: Things to read, listen to, enjoy🚀

📚What I’m reading: I’m actually in need of suggestions. What are you reading?

📺What I’m watching: Very slow to the party, but just watched Idris Elba in Luther: Fallen Sun. A whole two years old, but it is BRILLIANT. A few more jump scares than I would like, but it’s giving classic, gritty Luther.

🎵 Soundtrack for the week: Jamaica has a long way to go with its rebuild, but the music of the island will never fade. Flagging this Beenie Man Tiny Desk. Enjoy!

THANKS FOR READING!

If you got something out of this issue of The Get Free Guide, give us a follow or a shout out on Instagram and share the love with a friend. We don’t gatekeep around here!

See you next Friday!