⏰Get Free: Time Is All We Have

Get Free Fam, 

What’s good? How are you doing? Every week the world is coming at us at full speed. And while this isn’t a space for me to opine on all the things we face on any given day, none of us are operating in isolation and can’t help but be affected in some way. A reminder: it’s OK to cut yourself and others some slack. We’re all going through something, whether we talk about it or not, whether it’s visible or not. So be kind, call a friend, drink your water, touch grass or hug somebody…

If you’re new here👋🏿! The Get Free Guide is a space where we figure out - together - how to get unstuck when life is life-ing. Take a moment to check out the archive and because we don’t gatekeep here, your thoughts and suggestions are welcome (and encouraged!) - you never know how you could be helping someone else. So if you have questions, comments or thoughts, reach out to [email protected], or hit reply to this message, or leave a note on the Get Free form. And share! Send to a friend, a colleague or a family member. If IG is your thing, follow along - let’s get free together!

SO, WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT THIS WEEK?

Star Trek really has the goods on life if you watch closely enough…

But yes, time has been occupying my time. Not only am I genuinely astounded that we’re in month nine of the longest year in the history of humanity, but this week I became very aware that I’m living in the middle of two ends of life and marveling at how we speed from childhood to seniordom in the blink of an eye.

OCTOGENARIANS ARE A VIBE!

My dad, aka The Popsicle turns 86 today (woohoo!) - something I just can’t get my head around. He doesn’t look, act, sound or move like he’s been on this planet for nine decades. The man has STORIES. He’s lived through recessions and boom times, inventions and innovations, the creation of the internet, social media, cellphones, electric vehicles and autonomous cars. The world has changed so much and he’s never stopped learning.  

On the other hand, I look at my son who is like my dad in so many ways: curious, nerdy, always reading something, always down for a debate. Unlike my dad the digital world has been a part of his life since day one. He’s in the generation that survived virtual play dates, Zoom birthday parties and online school during COVID. (Still makes me shudder.)

I look at these two extremes of life - teen and octogenarian - and see how time has given them very different experiences. My dad’s teen years were not like my son’s. And my son’s 80s won’t be like my dad’s. The time in between makes it all so different. Yet however you experience it, time is really all we have. 

So here’s the Get Free part - how are we CHOOSING to spend our time?

MAKING TIME FOR JOY

What I appreciate about my son and my dad is that they are COMMITTED to doing things they enjoy. My son likes order and isn’t a fan of getting in trouble. But in elementary school he would risk it all in class for a chance to read a few more chapters of his favorite book. We literally had to come up with a plan with his teacher to protect his love of reading, but cut the stealth under-table sessions. Talk about commitment to his time and his joy!

My dad is the same. He will not spend a second more on something he doesn’t want to do or isn’t interested in. He says no with a smile that lets you know you are loved, AND that he ain’t doing it. But on the flipside, he’ll give all he’s got to what he’s invested in, be it people, projects or just things that bring him joy (like cricket, dominoes or his beloved Arsenal. He’s on his own with that one, but at 86 who’s gonna fight him on it? Not me…)

When I look at myself and my time, I don’t have that freedom or commitment. Often my time isn’t my own or is taken up by things that suck up energy in ways that just aren’t helpful. Case in point, over the last almost 30 years of work (how did that happen?!) I’ve lost count of the hours (probably months at this point) spent in endless conversations about decisions or processes or differences of opinion that people just can’t get over. Or meetings about meetings that could be an email. Can we just stop this, please?! Outside of work this looks like saying yes to things that should be an automatic no for no other reason than I just don’t want to. 

To be clear, this is on me. I am very capable of saying no or removing myself from situations that I don’t want to be in … and yet….

HOW ARE WE GETTING FREE AND REGAINING TIME?

Whether we like it or not, our time isn’t infinite. I look at my son and dad together and I feel it in a way I haven’t before. My teenager looks years ahead. My octogenarian looks forward but in much shorter increments of time. Sitting in the middle I have the benefit of being able to look back and look ahead in equal measure, and understand more than ever what wastes my time, and what is way more important. In short, the parts of the journey I can’t get back plus the ones I want to be present for. 

So here’s what I’ve tried to reclaim and better respect my time. Let me know what’s working for you or get on the waitlist for the Get Free Guide Time Toolkit (form below!) 

• Put a value on your time: Everything isn’t or shouldn’t be about money. But if you had to charge by the hour for the time you dedicate to some things, can you afford to give it away? For example, if you run your own business, can you afford to have endless “pick your brain” calls? If you’re doing this five hours a week without a defined why, what is this costing you in terms of time, money and progress?

• Create a decision rubric: What are some goals you’d like to pursue? For example building a consistent exercise routine or taking up a new hobby. What time do you need to dedicate to learning? And what could be an obstacle to achieving your goal? Saying yes to everything means you can’t dedicate time to what matters - a rubric will keep you honest on what you say is important. (Keep reading - details on how to get some tools to follow!)   

• Literally track your time: This might feel a little hardcore, but do you know what you’re spending your time on? Spend a week tracking what you do and for how long. It’s an enlightening exercise and can help nip some habits in the bud. I recommend Toggl (not being paid for the suggestion!) but there are plenty of free/low cost time tracking programs out on the internets.

• Take care of yourself first: Do something that sets you up for your day so it doesn’t get away from you. Maybe that’s quietly drinking some tea first thing in the morning or last thing at night so you can gather your thoughts. Also: make time to schedule your doctor appointments and check ups. Health isn’t a nice-to do. Without it, all the other stuff won’t matter.

• Make a quarterly timeline: Every quarter I go back into my journal to see what I did (I don’t really journal in full sentences. Sometimes it’s bullet points, other times, a little more detail.) I complete a timeline (the good, the not so great, the progress, the sticking points) and plot it out. It makes me feel better in those seasons where everything is moving slower than a glacier. Things always move forward, even if it feels super slow. 

• Schedule fun!: We’re all busy, but it shouldn’t take six months to schedule time with your people. Make the time and lower the stakes. If planning dinner is too much, chat on the way home from work, or hang out in a park for an hour or connect at an activity that’s already on the books (gym gossip is OK, providing you actually work out!) But stop making meeting up another chore. We literally don’t have time for that. 

I have a whole list of ways to re-engage with your time, along with some templates (like the Decision Rubric) I use to help me navigate how I spend my hours. If you’re interested in receiving a Time ToolKit or other Get Free Guides, add your info to this form to get on the waitlist and be the first to know. Info drop coming soon! 

We got through a lot today! Let’s hear how you’re spending your time, saving your time and reallocating your time! It’s all we have. Use it wisely!

🚀Get Your Life: Things to read, listen to, enjoy🚀

📚What I’m reading: I pulled Jendella Benson’s Hope and Glory off the shelves this week. It was part of a haul I purchased from Octavia’s Bookshelf a while ago but didn’t get a chance to read until now. Always refreshing to savor stories set across countries and continents and showcasing the beauty and the nuance of Black cultures colliding in the UK (with a touch of Los Angeles). As always, remember to support independent book stores when you can.   

📺What’s on the TV: Sometimes the best gift in life is a flight with no WiFi. Instead of catching up on emails, I watched the brilliant documentary Luther: Never Too Much. How did I miss that he used to sing on Sesame Street? A great use of 90 minutes.

🎵 Soundtrack for the week: All things Luther, of course, but giving Stop to Love a little extra spin!

✨ If you’ve got a recommendation drop me a line. ✨

THANKS FOR READING!

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See you next Friday!