🌊Get Free: The Chokehold of Scarcity

Get Free Fam!

I don’t know what it is about October 10, but there’s something very satisfying about writing 10.10. Remember a whole 15 years ago when it was 10.10.10? Mind, BLOWN. Also shout out to all the 10.10.10 weddings (because how could you ever forget your anniversary with a date like that?) and all the 10.10 babies (including my favorite godmother - happy birthday, Nina!) May 5 2005 - 5.5.5 was also a good date, but June 6, 2006 - 6.6.6? Not so much. 

But looking at 10.10 today - or any matching number sequence - to me feels like a nod and a wink from the universe, a sign that we’re on the right path and that - in time - order returns to everything. Even a broken clock is right twice a day!

I personally love the number five and all of its derivatives, which means there will be a little woohoo next week as The Get Free Guide hits issue number TWENTY! To celebrate (because we celebrate the big and the small here!) it’s time for some more FAMmail - this one is all yours! We’re four months in (!) so check in and share your Get Free wins, things you’re working through and your questions! And if there’s an issue of The Get Free Guide that really resonates with you, please share why. Remember we don’t gatekeep around here, and we get through all of this together. Send your submissions to [email protected] and invite a friend along!

From dates to another kind of number…

So: we’re all very aware of the numbers in our bank accounts, amiright? That number, plus worries about the economy and our jobs can have us running for cover and living in lack. It’s tough in these 2025 streets. And let’s be clear: fear is real. It’s not just about money, it’s also concerns about everything from what the future holds, to our personal and community safety. We have to work hard to protect our peace. But let’s talk about what we lose when we let scarcity win.

OK, storytime: Growing up, my parents worked really hard. Overtime. Evenings. Weekends. My mum had two jobs and when I look back I see very clearly where my hustle comes from: I grew up with it. Mum and Dad never complained but the unspoken lesson was clear: don’t be reliant on a job, because bosses change and jobs come and go. And no matter how much they say they like you, how much you earn or what your title is, you're dispensable. I took that non-verbal advice to heart. 

But in addition to the hustle and “handle your business” focus it also planted a seed of worry. The backing track to life became: Don’t spend all your money because you don’t know when the well might run dry. Perhaps you shouldn’t buy that purse because what will you do with it if you lose your job? Yes, living in that part of town would be great, but why waste your money on extra rent when you could live over here, save some money and take a few extra stops on the train line? And do you REALLY need those shoes?  These words never left my parents’ mouths - this is what a scarcity mindset created.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with fiscal restraint, but left unchecked it can be the root of a scarcity mindset that bleeds into the risks you take (or don’t take), the experiences you have and the low grade stress that “something” bad is going to happen. If you’re raising or helping to raise children it can manifest in how you approach parenthood and caregiving. It also shows up in not asking for what you want or deserve. 

How much has silence cost you?

I’m almost embarrassed to say I was a very fully grown adult with a sizable amount of experience under my belt before I negotiated my salary. I know. I know. I never negotiated because I didn’t want to risk being a problem before I even walked through the door. There was also a bit of “well, why would they give that to me?” I know I’m not the only one who has thought this! But I’m sitting here groaning as I write because this math ain’t mathing. My past logic is just … kinda ridiculous. Thankfully, two friends pulled me aside and put me on game. It was a lesson in just how high the cost of scarcity can be.

Here’s another one: I think we can all acknowledge that we lost our minds a little in the pandemic, like, for real. How we coped played out in different ways. Some of us cooked. Others got buff lifting weights. Maybe you started playing an instrument. Me? I worked. I started a business. I launched a conversation space for leaders. I ran a collaboration. I took a class for entrepreneurs. And I made a documentary series. None of this is a flex. I have never worked so hard and been so drained. But unlike people who HAD to go into work every day (thank you, essential workers) nothing I was doing was necessary and very far from essential. But this is where the scarcity mindset comes in: in my warped logic we were heading into a recession and I had to squirrel away acorns. I also had to be “useful” with my time. Rest seemed wasteful. I didn’t believe that there would be enough. Even in abundance, the fear of outside forces got to me. Again…

How did we get here?

For some in marginalized communities the scarcity mindset can be grounded in a history of survival. Don’t rock the boat. Don’t cause a scene. Keep your head down. You may also be supporting more people than just yourself, so taking risks can feel far fetched. In recent conversations with friends and colleagues there’s a lot of saving vacation “just in case” - an insurance policy of sorts if a layoff or a rainy day comes along. This makes sense, but the fear of what may happen is taking away LIFE, today.

I follow marie_bustinmoves on Instagram (she’s also on TikTok if you hang out over there more) and she has the best tag line: What’s the BEST that can happen? What’s the best that can happen if you don’t squirrel away your vacation time and actually GO somewhere? What’s the best that can happen if you move away from what you know and try something new? What’s the best that can happen if you bet on yourself?

@mariebustinmoves

We out here dancing thru life because what’s the BEST that can happen?! 🦚 @Aunt Coy @doggface208 @Lisa Roy ❌ @drea968❌ @Jahmenah🍭 @delig... See more

To this last point, a friend once asked: “What’s the worst that could happen if you left your job? What are you really scared of?” The answer: Health care, losing my home and losing my identity. Then he asked: “What would need to happen for you to lose your home?” Turns out there are a lot of steps. My friend then asked: “What’s the BEST that could happen if you took a chance on yourself?” The list was long, and importantly, achievable. When we stack our nightmares up against our dreams, what’s really stopping us? What’s really stopping you?

Scarcity isn’t just a mindset around money, but it can also apply to your relationships, how you spend your time, and who you spend it with. So what to do?

I need your help!

I’m looking for some ideas for this one, because the scarcity mindset is a hard to shake when you’re surrounded by it. The world tells us to be terrified, but experience also says that we have choices, and community and covering. So I’m turning this over to you, dear GFFs. How have you dealt with a scarcity mindset? What has a fear of lack led you to do, or kept you away from? And let’s share the BEST things that happened when you moved in abundance and left scarcity behind. Let’s help each other with this one.

Email [email protected] or fill out the form below!

🚀Get Your Life: Things to read, listen to, enjoy🚀

📚What I’m reading: Summer may be over but it’s always good to get inspired about new places to visit. I can’t remember how I stumbled into travel writer Jessica Nabongo so many years ago, but her book detailing her visits to every country in the world is inspiring AND beautiful. Check out The Catch Me If You Can. You know the drill; support local book stores like Octavia’s Bookshelf in Pasadena, CA

🎧What’s on the pod: No recs this week: what are you watching and listening to?

🎵 Soundtrack for the week: This song NEVER ages - Optimistic by Sounds of Blackness

✨ If you’ve got a recommendation drop me a line. ✨

THANKS FOR READING!

If you got something out of this issue of The Get Free Guide, give us a follow or a shout out on Instagram and share the love with a friend. We don’t gatekeep around here!

See you next Friday!