Get Free Fam, what’s GOOD?! November is HERE and the countdown to the end of the year is upon us (but for you Christmas folks, it isn’t time…yet!)

Can I say, I’m so thankful for this community?! Watching all of the U.S. election results this week really made me think about the power of the whole, the strength of the collective. Yes, we do so much by ourselves, and society often leans into how we get ahead as individuals. But, the truth is, we can do so much together, from the big things like shaping policy, to the small things like offering a friend a meal. That’s what we do here at The Get Free Guide - we look out for each other. Together, we navigate daily freedoms while we chip away at bigger goals like financial independence, creative expression and removing the constraints on our time. We don’t gatekeep! If you love it, share it!

Speaking of supporting each other, a big welcome to everyone who’s joined The Get Free Guide from Word In Black! If you missed it, The Get Free Guide had its first published feature this week, written with care by Aaron Foley. It was such a milestone moment for this little (and growing!) newsletter that can! If you get a chance, check out the story or follow Word in Black on IG. 

Alright, let’s get into it. This week, we’re talking about FOMO — the fear of missing out.

This one’s been on my mind lately, and I’ll tell you why.

A few months ago, I got a phone call about an award I was incredibly honored to receive. The ceremony was scheduled for October, and I got the call back in August — so, plenty of time to look forward to it. I was excited! I told a few close friends, and my little family was planning to go, too.

Then life happened. I had to handle some family business overseas, and couldn’t go. Honestly, it wasn’t a hard decision — I’ll always choose family over accolades — but the FOMO was real. I caught myself wondering what I would’ve worn, what I might’ve said, what it would’ve been like to be in the room. (And yes, I even wondered if the chicken would be dry. Apparently it was decent.) Still, I was sad about missing it.

Another time, a few years back, I applied for a fellowship I’d wanted for ages — I mean, for years. I went through all the steps, jumped through all the hoops, talked with all the people and finally got the call: “Congratulations! We want you to join us for a year.”

I was THRILLED! Then came this wave of dread. I’d talked with my husband and kid all the way through the process and they were both very supportive. But (because there’s a but) as a family, we eventually had to make a different decision. The timing wasn’t right anymore. The music/life had changed, and so the dance had to change too.

Making the call to the admissions officer was so hard. “Thank you so much for the opportunity… but I have to say no.” 😭😭😭 Friends and colleagues had shared how much the time had shaped them, and I was so looking forward to jumping off the hamster wheel and getting my head into something different for a while. It wasn’t to be.  

And let me tell you — I spent that entire year thinking, If I were on that fellowship, I wouldn’t have to deal with this. Or If I were on that fellowship, I could spend more time doing blah, blah, blah. Or If I were on that fellowship, I’d have time to just think instead of do.

FOMO, friends. FO to the MO. 

(A quick pause for the cause: if you’re in LA, check out details below for our next LIVE event!)

But here’s the truth: everything isn’t for everybody — and everything isn’t for you, at least not at a particular moment in time.

Even though we’re grown and we know this intellectually, sometimes that inner teenager still shows up — the one that acts as though the world is ending if we’re not in the mix of EVERYTHING. If we’re missing out on something our life. Will. Be. RUINED (cue dramatic face of anguish.) Or we worry people will talk about us, or that we’ll be left behind.

But really, the fear of missing out often just keeps us stuck — worrying about what’s happening somewhere we weren’t meant to be.

It reminds me of that Luther Vandross line: “If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with.” Sometimes, it’s not that we’re missing out — it’s that our time and attention were meant to be somewhere else and we should make the most of where we are, not where we think we should be. I mean, I should’ve been an astronaut, but here we are…

1. Remember you’re not actually missing out.
If you can’t make it — whether because you weren’t invited, an emergency came up, or life simply got in the way — you’re not missing out. You’re being called into something else. Be at peace with that.

2. Take the lead.
If the FOMO relates to your friend group and you feel like the plans never work for you, be the one to plan something. When you’re the planner, you get to set the time, place, and vibe. Whoever can make it, makes it. Whoever can’t, can’t. That’s just life — and that’s OK.

3. Be present where you are.
When I couldn’t go to my awards ceremony, I spent that time sitting and chatting with my mom about all kinds of things. We live in different countries so this facetime is precious. Worth so much more than what I thought I’d missed.

4. Check your energy.
Sometimes, when we “miss out,” it’s actually the universe/your body saying, “You need rest.” Maybe your time is better spent getting familiar with your eyelids, taking a walk, or just sitting quietly so you can recharge and go again later.

5. Check your FOMO in the workplace.
Friends, we do not need to be on every email thread, in every meeting and at every retreat. FOMO will keep our inboxes full, our calendars packed and our eyes glazed over from sitting in 50-11 Zoom calls. You’re not missing out on anything. Go and do your actual job and get someone to give you a summary.  

6. Help the next generation escape FOMO.
Parents — this one’s for us. We overschedule our kids — clubs, sports, music lessons, faith groups, playdates, family visits, extra tuition — and in doing so, we might be teaching them FOMO. Let’s help them understand that what they are doing is enough. They don’t have to be everywhere or do everything because everyone else is doing it. Teach them that it’s okay to miss something — and still be happy for the friend who got to go.

So yeah — maybe we’re not missing out after all. Maybe we’re exactly where we’re meant to be. (Of course, everyone should have Get Free FOMO - be sure to share this with a friend!) 

How are you tackling FOMO? Drop us a line at [email protected]. Don’t fake the funk on the FOMO! Let’s here from you!

🚀Get Your Life: Things to read, listen to, enjoy🚀

📚What I’m reading: I finally finished 107 Days and now pulling books from my mum’s shelf. There’s a lot of Danielle Steele (probably from my high school collection. The circle of life.)

📺What I’m watching: The Diplomat (Season 1 and Season 2 were kinda savage!) I know, I’m late to the party — but wow. It’s sharp, layered, and totally worth it. What is Hal up to?!!

🎵 Soundtrack for the week: I love this classic - Stay by The Controllers. But can we PLEASE get into this choreography and the primary color sweaters? I mean…

✨ Always love your recommendations. Share what you’re reading, watching and listening to - [email protected] ✨

If you got something out of this issue of The Get Free Guide, give us a follow or a shout out on Instagram and share the love with a friend. We don’t gatekeep around here!

See you next Friday!