🫶🏾Get Free: It's OK to Ask for Help

Hey GFFs, 

Ooooowwwweeee, last week was a WEEK! I had a great time in Philly, but I learned a lesson: you (meaning, I) can’t be in these streets, eating well, living good and forgetting to drink water and operating on negative hours of sleep with zero expectation of it hurting. I’ve never been about that life, and I’m 1000% not about that life now. I need regular snacks, a full range of fruits and veggies, proper sleep (at least six hours) and water. Ounces and ounces of H20. All that said, I regret absolutely nothing. A time was had but I’m now back to writing these guides earlier in the week, and NOT doing final edits hours before publication because, see below…

HELLO, HI and WELCOME!

Anywho…

Before we dig into this week’s Get Free, I want to say a loud HELLO to everyone who’s joined the GFF (Get Free Family) in the past few weeks. THANK YOU for the enthusiasm, support and all around good vibes - it means a lot. If you’re new here, expect an email in your inbox every #getfreefriday (you can catch up on past posts here) AND I’d love to hear from you! While I’m sharing the ways I’m trying to get free, this space is for ALL of us, so drop me a line with a thought, a question or some wisdom. That’s what Natalie did, responding to the Make Delete Your BFF issue:

“Unread emails? More than 30k 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ not only do I hang my head in shame but yes, the head space it takes up is immense. Knowing that you received an email but it got lost in the junk just saps you. Do we really NEED all these emails? I’m actually going on a “lose the email” drive at work soon. Haven’t quite figured out how yet but it is happening! And the one after that? Meetings! Over the past two months I have been in meetings for 70-80% of my week. It is just not productive.”

OK, GFFs, let’s help Natalie with this Lose the Email drive - what do you suggest? What have you tried to shake off the incessant emails from Holly in HR? And if you have thoughts on freeing up time from meetings, send your ideas here - no GFF left behind!

SPEAKING OF HELP…

This week we’re tackling the issue of asking for an assist, some extra hands, a little boost - aka, some help. If you think I’m talking about you, I’m talking about you (I’m talking about me, too, so we’re in this together.) When was the last time you REALLY asked for help? Or rather, when was the last time you asked for help without starting the sentence, “I’m so sorry to bother you, but…”

I’d been noodling on this for a while when I spotted a clip of an interview with Issa Rae and Kevin Hart on the Ticky-Toks. In it, Issa shares how she doesn’t like to ask for help, even when she has access to people. She said she doesn’t want to bother folks who - she thinks - are busy. But Kevin said he has NO issue asking for what he needs and told Issa he’s upset with her for NOT asking him for help and advice in the past:

@therealhartbeat

Moral of the story: Don't block your blessings 🤎 #IssaRae #KevinHart #Hartbeat #TheRealHartbeat #HartToHeart

This video dragged me for filth because I do this All. The. Time. I don’t want to bother anyone, so I don’t ask. Instead, I take the 50,000 step route when, with a little help, we’d be done and dusted with a 1000 step walk around the block. This isn’t about control, it’s a real “I don’t want to put anyone out.”

Here are some examples: At work, our team assistant has offered a thousand times (OK, maybe three times) to manage my calendar and book my meetings. This would save SO much time, but do I do it? No. I’m so used to running my own calendar it feels quicker to just do it, but who am I kidding? (Sidenote: I feel slightly better that I’m not the only one on my team who engages in this nonsense, but still…)

Another example: We never have fewer than eight bags of shopping for the weekly grocery run. I have almost cut off the blood supply to my fingers carrying all the bags from the car to the kitchen rather than knocking on the door and asking one of my (very willing and very able) gentlemen to come and carry them in. This is ridiculous because they get upset when I don’t ask for help (and now they just ambush me on the driveway to stop my bag carrying shenanigans.) It’s utter madness, and as I’m writing this down I’m rolling my own eyes at my own self, because, WHY?

SO, WHAT’S GOING ON?

The easy take on the Issa Rae/Kevin Hart exchange is to say men find it easier to ask for what they need than women, but this is too simple and research says otherwise. For example, women are more likely than men to seek out mental health support, according to a recent Pew study.

So what is it? Of course, it’s different for everyone, but for me it’s about not rocking the boat, not being a burden, not getting in the way. I’ve seen all the women (and some of the fellas) in my life do this at some point, taking on extra tasks at work, being the ones to tackle household admin, volunteering at schools, taking care of elders. But the truth is, we all need help. We can’t always give. We rob ourselves of space to think and to grow, and we take away joy from others who would love nothing more than to help us. We get free when we let our helpers find us (shoutout to Luvvie Ajayi Jones for that one!) Life is a team sport, so why are we trying to roll solo all the time?

THIS WEEK’S GET FREE ACTIVITY

We’re keeping it simple! (Haha - “simple”, she says…) Think about one thing you need help with and ask someone to assist you. No “I’m sorry to bother you…” No “I was wondering if…” Ask for what you need. In return, what help can you offer to someone that might shake them out of the habit of thugging things out alone? And if someone has made a difference in your life as a helper, let’s hear about it!

You can reach out about all of the above via this form and if you need some encouragement, I’m here along with all the GFFs! We can do this!

🚀Get Your Life: Things to read, listen to, enjoy🚀

📚What I’m reading/listening to: I have multiple copies of Esther Armah’s Emotional Justice on my bookshelf and this powerful framework for racial healing is now available as an audiobook (complete with Esther’s gorgeous voice!) If Esther isn’t already on your radar, she should be. Emotional Justice isn’t only important, it’s necessary. 

🎧What’s on the pod?: A March episode of Myleik Teele’s Podcast entitled “Stop Quitting Too Soon.” A great one for folks working on creative pursuits, making a pivot at work, or just needing some focus on a project or a purpose. 

 🎵 Soundtrack of the Week: Walls Come Tumbling Down by The Style Council - a selection from one of my oldest friends from our shared playlist!

✨ If you’ve got a recommendation drop me a line. ✨

THANKS FOR READING!

The Get Free Community is GROWING! If you got something out of this issue of The Get Free Guide, share with a friend (or more than one friend!) so they can get free, too. We don’t gatekeep around here!

See you next Friday!