Get Free Fam,

What’s good? If you're a soccer or basketball head, what a glorious week of sports! My NYC and San Antonio folks were going toe-to-toe over the NBA Finals (they have the better uniform color, so GO KNICKS!!) And in my hometown, outdoor spaces have transformed into communal viewing spots for the World Cup, plus neighbors are firing up the grill and inviting folks over to break bread, talk about dem kids and pretend they're paying attention to the game (they 1000% are not.) It feels like summer is here and some ease has finally entered the chat. It's time to be OUTSIDE!

Being outside sparked this week's issue. I got to spend some precious time with a dear friend in town from the Philippines. Can I say something? I know some REALLY talented people — we all do. Whenever you can, go and see your friends doing their thing — not their work, their THING. I watched Dorian Merina share some of his new poetry and it was such a treat to not only see him in person but hear his words and his work, and be reminded of his incredible voice (which I would hear daily through his news stories when we worked together.) We haven't seen each other in years, but it's like we hung out last week. Not-so-shameless plug: if you like poetry and history, check out his new collection of poems, yndio arxipelago. 

So how does seeing Dorian connect to this issue? He's a reminder of someone who made a decision that some might say "wait, what?" but that made sense for him and his family. And he’s not the only one. Over the past few weeks I've had a few conversations about decisions people have made that — on the face of it — make no sense. Leaving high-profile jobs, walking away from careers that took years to build, taking a gap year with kids in tow, moving countries or selling everything to travel the world. A couple of those conversations gave me pause — not in judgment, but in that "hmmm, so what's holding ME back from that thing that maybe seems … random?"

That's when I caught myself, because the real is, I've made some "makes no sense" decisions that literally made space for the life I live now…

Long ago and far away, I was working for a high-profile media outlet in the UK. I worked GREAT hours (4 days a week, not because I asked but because that was the gig. Could you imagine?) I had my little flat/apartment, a daily workout regimen, weekly trips to the farmers market and Saturdays playing netball (for the US GFFs, it's like basketball but with seven players, a smaller ball, and you can’t run with the ball in your hand. It's the best sport ever. I will die on this hill) — great friends, lots of travel and pretty much no responsibilities other than for me, myself, and I, and making sure all my bills were paid. Did I say life was good?

But/and: there was this cutie that lived clear across the Atlantic. We both love to travel, so seeing each other wasn't an issue, but there comes a point where visits here and there just aren't enough, and so… SOMEBODY HAS TO MOVE…

Long story short, I was the one to move (willingly!) but it meant leaving family, friends, my home, my community, my life and that cushy four-days-a-week work situation. Yea, writing it all down I see why some people said — to my face — "Are you sure? Who is this guy? I actually think you're crazy and making a big mistake." I'm sure far worse was said behind my back, but whatevs.

Real talk, I agreed with everything other than "who is this guy" (he was a great guy!) and "you're making a mistake." The move happened quickly, in a matter of weeks. But while on the outside it all looked a little (uncharacteristically for me) fast and unplanned, I knew with every fiber in my soul that if I wanted things to be different, I HAD to move. It wasn’t just about being with the cutie. This was about me breaking free from living small. Was I terrified? HELL YEA! Was it a stressful six weeks wrapping up my life in preparation for a big move? OF COURSE! Would I do it the same way again? IN A HEARTBEAT.

I didn't know how it would pan out. Career-wise, I had a promise of some freelance work, but no actual job. I pitched an idea for a regular segment for one of the evening shows at the station I worked at that paid me 120 Great British Pounds a week #norealmoney. I truly knew just one person and he was the reason I’d moved. But just like the well-known line from The Alchemist says:

As soon as I said “this is what I’m doing” the cavalry rolled through: I found someone to rent my flat/apartment. My sister let me store all the things I didn't need in her attic. A friend connected me with a solicitor/lawyer to make sure my affairs were in order. Emails I sent into the void of Beyoncé's internet, to people I didn’t know at all, came back answered — with offers of connection, suggestions and places to get my hair done (IYKYK)

And my people who know me best said the right things. My dad reminded me of his own journey leaving home and setting off across the sea, leaving everything he had ever known. My mum did the same. And because they did that — with fewer resources and technological advances to hand — I exist. "If it doesn't work out, you can always come home. But I think you're going to be just fine," Dad said as I was getting ready to walk through security. Another friend gave me a letter that I could only open once on the plane. All these years later, I still read it — a reminder that we all do things scared or without the approval of others, but that it's OK. Your decisions only have to make sense to you. Your life is not part of a democratic process that needs everyone’s vote. 

(P.S. Making the decision to move worked out - the guy I moved for? We’re still dating 😍)

Offering advice on this one is hard because decisions are personal and it's so much about how you feel and what you KNOW your internal compass is telling you. Often we know what we want to do or need to do, and it becomes a case of figuring out how we're going to take the next step. So here are some thought starters — and if you've made a big step or leap in work, life, business, or anything, share how you navigated it and what got you through. You know what we say: we don't gatekeep here! Email [email protected] or hit reply to this email. 

Get quiet: Decisions get hard when we have lots of inputs: from people, the internet, social media. Find space to get still and quiet so that your thoughts can come to the surface. Write down what comes to you, or record a voice memo, but don't edit yourself. Let it come out so you can know what your truth is.

Bring in trusted support: Making decisions can be hard. Bring in your trusted supporters. Dreams and decisions should be protected and can't be shared with everyone while you're still figuring things out. Trusted supporters will pressure-test your thinking and help you see gaps, but should never shame or berate your decision.

Get organized: Whether it's work or life, breaking ideas or next steps into manageable chunks reduces the overwhelm and helps you progress toward your goal. Adding a resource guide here to help walk you through it (a heads up - it’s a fillable PDF which works better on a laptop than on your cell. You can also print and write in it)

Speak from a place of clarity: Once you share your decision, everyone will have an opinion. Opinion isn't fact, nor do you need to respond or explain. It's your decision, not theirs. (Side note: Pay attention to how people act when you do something they don't approve of. That's data for future interactions and how some relationships move forward.)

What decisions are you working on or hiding from? How have you navigated decisions and what was the outcome? How did you Get Free? Share! You can email [email protected] or hit reply to this email.

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🚀Get Your Life: Things to read, listen to, enjoy🚀

📚What I’m reading: LinkedIn served up a post from Justin Welsh’s newsletter. Title Unreasonable, it’s a very fitting read for this issue of The Get Free Guide.

🎵 Soundtrack for the week: One of the young folks shared some tracks from their playlist and Suzanne from RAYE and Mark Ronson stood out.

✨ If you’ve got a recommendation drop me a line. ✨

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See you next week!