Get Free Fam!

Happy weekend! It's hot as an oven baking cookies right now, but we give thanks for cold water and AC doing overtime. In these warmer temps, please remember to hydrate!

Before we jump in a quick reminder: I’m pulling together a list of ways we can PLAY - because play and fun are part of getting free. Check out last week’s issue - Play is for Grown Folks, Too - to get up to speed, but tell me, how are you playing these days? Drop me a line at [email protected] or complete this short form with info on ways you play, a link to more details if you can, and what you love about it. As we head into the back end of the year, let’s remember that play isn’t just for the summer!

If you're new here, welcome. The Get Free Guide is all about living, learning, and the daily actions we can take to feel unstuck, even when everything appears to be fine and dandy. You can check out the archive here. If you have questions, feel free to drop us a line: [email protected]. If you have advice to share with the community about lessons you've learned, or things you've tried on your Get Free journey, do the same. We don't gatekeep!

OK, let’s get into it, because this title isn’t the usual GFG offering (don’t worry, we’re not getting into anything wild!) I was just away on vacation, and if it's hot where I am today, it was REALLY hot in Barbados. Not just hot, but humid. And when the weather is like that, you have to wear fewer clothes. Maybe go for a swim, go to the beach, be at one with more skin on display, that kind of thing.

However: What I realized when I started wearing fewer clothes is that there is a very real shade differential across my body. My face is one shade, my arms are another. My feet do their own patchwork depending on the placement of sandals over the summer. But when we get to the chest and belly area, the skin looks like it hasn't seen the light of day since the day I was born. That's a lot of time.

Now, Barbados is home, and what I love about being there is that, unsurprisingly, the vast majority of people look like me. Curvy, sturdy, on the shorter side, and I love that. What I also love is that skin is OUT. Legs, arms, thighs, all of it (well, not ALL of it!) And the level of freedom on display? Magical. Yes, it's practical, because folks are trying to stay cool, but they are also doing it because they feel good and want to move uninhibited. They are FREE.

Whenever I'm home, I go walking pretty much every day. The humidity has you fighting for your life, but the air is clean, the views are amazing, you get some of that salt water on your skin, and it's just beautiful. I always wear the same things: workout leggings, breathable short-sleeved top (obvs), and sunglasses. But there's one other piece of clothing that is a fight: the sports bra.

A few mornings, I needed machinery to get my sports bra on, because the structured dry fabric was really fighting the slip and slide of my skin from the humidity. And then when I tried to zip it up, it was like, "Nah, sis. Not today."

So do I just not go out for a walk? Or do me and the ladies just freestyle it and roll out?

Well, I went for option two after sending up a prayer and tapping in with the ancestors. Instead of the workout leggings, I put on a unitard (extra coverage), threw on a top, and off we went.

Now, I started out feeling a little self-conscious, because the ladies do not go out unsupervised. Ever. But as I was walking, I noticed I stood a little straighter, and I could breathe a little easier. Sports bras do.not.budge, and my rib cage is very aware. But we made it out and back with no drama and no casualties!

Now that I'm back Stateside, I've continued that practice, because honestly, it just FEELS better. But, and this is a big but, I have not been running, because I'm not crazy, and that's a whole other activity that needs to be dealt with differently. Yes to freedom, but also prudence and, err, safety.

All of this really got me thinking about constraints, and the ways in which we stuff and push and tighten ourselves into things that are not natural to us.

For people who were born as women, and for anybody with boobs, there is a rite of passage: the first time you go and get fitted for a bra. And from the moment you do that, until you choose otherwise, every day, or most days, your boobs go into some kind of control device, whether you need it or not, because society says our boobs need to be controlled.

My question is: controlled for whom, and for what purpose? Now, yes, some people have very heavy breasts that cause back pain, so there is a very practical reason for some of this. And for others, the opportunity to wear a bra allows them to live in their truth. But bras also represent a type of bodily control, and could be seen as a symbol of how we're pushing ourselves into spaces that may not actually be for us or be necessary. What does life look like when we stop cramming ourselves in and let ourselves out?

What I will say, from doing this in a very small way, is that things like sweat just move. It drips everywhere, but it's not all landing in multiple layers of cotton and elastic. There isn't a fight at the end of my walk to take the sports bra off. I can just peel off my clothes and go.

The other part of this is just accepting what my body looks like now. I am not a teenager. I am not in my 20s. Everything doesn't sit the way it once did. But does it still work? Very well, actually. So why aren't we thinking about, and looking at, the expertise? And why aren't we enjoying the way things may have changed, in form, but not in function?

The Get Through, I think, is simple. It's looking at who you are, physically, mentally, practically. What are the spaces you are pushing yourself into that you maybe don't want to go? What are the things you continue to do even though your body might be telling you "I'm good"? What are the relationships that maybe make you feel a little tight, and you don't quite know why?

I finally got around to watching Five Star Weekend with Jennifer Garner and Regina Hall, and it's excellent. If you haven't seen it, I won't spoil it for you. But there is a character, Brooke, who is tall, attractive, kind, and has absolutely no confidence. She doesn't believe in herself, and honestly, I don't think she necessarily likes herself.

One of the scenes that really touched me involves dressing for a party. There's a black-and-white dress code, and Brooke, who is used to conforming, decides not to dress to code. Instead, she walks out in a lovely pair of jeans and an olive-colored top (actually, chartreuse!), and it looks absolutely incredible. In that scene, you really see someone take themselves out of the constraints that had been placed on her, by her marriage, by her thoughts about herself, by what she felt she should be or what she thought people thought about her. It's honestly one of my favorite parts of the series.

I think that's so many of us. We're trying to squeeze ourselves into spaces, into things we just don't fit into anymore. And maybe we just need to … stop.

So that's the Get Free this week: What is constraining you? If we keep it simple, look in your closet. What are you wearing or holding on to that just doesn't serve you anymore? What makes you feel a little "stuffed in"? What does it mean to give that stuff away? How will it make you feel? And, sure, if you want to join me on a bra-free walk, your tatas may thank you for it.

🚀Get Your Life: Things to read, listen to, enjoy🚀

🎵 Soundtrack for the week: It could only be a track from the irreplaceable Dolly Parton. The remixes of her songs have been all over the interwebs, but mostly, she was a woman who lived as she wanted, loved and was kind, and left the world a little better than she found it. RIP, Dolly.

Reminder: Tell me how you play!

✨ If you’ve got a recommendation drop me a line. ✨

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See you next week!